What are some examples of stories we tell ourselves about
our bodies? So, these are things that I have either told myself or my clients
have told me they tell themselves. I'm too big, too fat. My body is too gross to
be touched. Go ahead and take a deep breath. Skinny people are happier
people. I'll be satisfied
when I've lost x number of pounds.
How about other ones that are not quite weight-related? I'll never be able to
blank again without pain. My body is my enemy. Shockingly, these are the
words both men and women say to themselves on any typical
day. Ann Kearney-Cooke, PhD, a Cincinnati psychologist specializing in
body image, surveyed 300 women of all sizes and the thoughts
they think about their bodies throughout the day. A disturbing number of
women confessed to having 35, 50, or even 700 hateful thoughts about their
shapes each day.
And a whopping 97%-- 97%-- confessed to having at least one "I hate my
body" moment every day. Worse, most of us accept
putting ourselves down as a norm. Is this self-abuse? Let's investigate.
Consider any negative messages you might be telling yourself about your
body. Perhaps even pause and go ahead and write them down.
What are some negative messages you might be telling yourself about your
body? And some of these are inside thoughts. They're inside conversations
that we're having in our heads.
So, go ahead and pause and write them down. What are some
negative messages you might be telling yourself about your body? OK. Now
consider, would you say any of those things you just wrote down to a five-
year-old? Probably not. Then, consider that these punishing thoughts are
a form of self-inflicted violence.
What are some examples of the stories we tell ourselves about food? Well,
clients have told me food is my enemy. There are bad foods, and there are
good foods. I should never eat bad foods and always eat good foods. And if I
eat bad foods, then I'm wrong. If I'm a health coach and eat bad foods, I'm
a fraud. I'll lose weight and be happy if I'm perfect with my diet.
Fat is fattening. Fat is bad for you. If something tastes good, it isn't good
for you. These are stories that clients have told me they tell themselves about
food. Let's look at another one. Every bite of food is making me better. I can't
stop obsessing over food, making me fat. If I eat this, then I'll punish myself
tomorrow with deprivation or militant exercising.
So, these are just a few stories we tell ourselves. I bet you could come up with
many more. And if these are the stories you tell yourself every time
you eat, which happens multiple times a day, the connection you're
establishing with your body is a scolding one of should and shouldn’t, bad girl,
bad boy, anger at self, and judgment of self. From what we've learned,
are these stories creating more or less stress? More stress or
less stress?
Yep, more stress. So, the stress response is on. If the story I tell myself as I put
a bite of food in my mouth is eating will make me fat, then is the body
creating stress chemistry? Yes, absolutely. And does stress chemistry rev your
metabolism or slow it down and store more fat? It stores more fat.
So, the story eating will make me fat is self-fulfilling. How fascinating, right?
One day, I was coaching a client around food, and almost everything she said
was a judgment against her own body as if she could punish herself for
changing. So, I asked her, who loses when you're at war with your body? Her
jaw dropped open.
She had never considered that she was at war with herself. If the client is
telling a story about food that is attacking the body, triggering the stress
response, and putting the body on the defense, then she is quite literally at
war with herself. Is being at war with the food or the body empowering the
metabolism or diminishing it? Is it empowering health or diminishing it?
It's pretty fascinating. You can't heal something through war. Only love heals.
So, if you want to stop being at war with food or with your body, it follows
that you'll need to change your story about food or your body. How do
you do that? Reach out to Coach Carey, and you can learn how to write a new
story for yourself.
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