
The Power of reframing your thoughts.
What are some examples of reframes? You can reframe a problem as an
opportunity, a weakness as a strength, an impossibility as a distant possibility,
a distant possibility as a mere possibility, oppression against me as neutral--
doesn't care about me-- or even positive-- for me-- unkindness as a lack of
understanding.
So, here's an example of a reframe. Consider the word discipline. For many
people, that word has a negative connotation. I don't have any discipline. I
should have more discipline. But if you reframe the word as a variation on
disciple, committing to carrying yourself daily becomes the gift of
being a disciple of yourself. It's so beautiful, right? Different meaning
then. And you know what you need? More discipline.
I was coaching someone one day-- a woman named Jocelyn-- and somehow,
this reframe came up. She was a Christian woman. Becoming
a disciple for herself for 90 days helped her stick to the program and
created much more depth and meaning. And we ended up changing
the word discipline to bliss-ipline. It was the bliss of following through. The
bliss of becoming a disciple of herself as a child of God. So beautiful, right?
So, reframing is a potent tool in coaching. The meaning of an
event depends on how we frame it. When we change the frame, we change
the meaning. And when we change the meaning, we change responses and
behaviors.
Here are two other examples. If someone goes to a party dressed
as a skeleton, then the meaning is different, depending on whether it's
Halloween or a funeral. When someone slips on a banana, if I am watching, I
might laugh. But if I'm the one who slipped, I might be embarrassed.
Responses are different, depending on the frame. Reframing is
a powerful coaching technique, so I use it often. Reframing is
grounded in the following paradigm-- all behaviors have a positive intention.
When we apply that to health and wellness, we can consider that all diseases,
conditions, or behaviors are not our enemies but our allies. They are a
powerful call for change and a catalyst for change. If it didn't hurt, we
probably wouldn't be motivated to make it essential to change. It would be
so easy to put it off till tomorrow, right?
I remember from Popeye, years ago-- some of you might be too young. But
there was a character in the Popeye cartoon that said, I'll gladly pay you one
Tuesday for a hamburger today. We don't want to pay for something if we
don't have to. Nobody wants to change if they don't have to or if
they can put it off till another day. So, the positive intention in diseases,
conditions, and behaviors is to catalyze change, prioritize health, and take
better care of ourselves.
It can feel like a terrible thing when someone gets sick. This is not to
disrespect, belittle, or minimize anyone who has suffered pain or illness.
This is to demonstrate the power of perspective. On the one hand, it's
something terrible. On the other hand, it can be an excellent catalyst. With a
bit of reframing, I've had clients realize that their illnesses were both the worst
and the best thing that ever happened to them. And they begin to laugh
hysterically at the truth of that.
So, if all behaviors have a positive intention, then when you apply that more
specifically to health, the reframe might sound like this-- every symptom,
craving, or behavior around food, has a positive intention. This is powerful
because symptoms and cravings are usually thought of as bad things that I
I want to get rid of it.
But in this reframe, symptoms, cravings, and behaviors are not the problem.
They are just the best solution you've come up with so far. They're a
messenger that's asking you to seek a new solution. In other words, cravings
have an essential message for us. They are trying to get our attention.
And we've never learned how to listen to our body's language or
feedback mechanism properly.
So, when it comes to behaviors, even the ones you hate or that drive you
crazy, there is a positive intention. Here's another reframe. Every act is an act
of love or a cry for love. Every act is an act of love or a cry for love, even
overeating. No exceptions. Yes, it's true. We're attempting to love ourselves
or to cry out for love. We may not have a better way to do it than overeating.
So, this horrible problem of overeating-- it's not necessarily an overeating
problem, after all. It might be an underlying problem. We can reframe all
kinds of health conditions using this framework. Let's look at some reframes
specifically for weight loss.
Weight loss is about more than just numbers. It's about more than just
calories in calories out. It's more than getting on a scale or going to the
gym. According to Marc David, author of The Slow Down Diet, weight loss is
the intersection of science, culture, spirituality, aesthetics, psychology, and
sexuality. It's a complex and rich subject. If we were to consider possible
reframes for weight loss, we might consider that excess weight is creativity
waiting to be released. But there are ways that when we don't feel good in
our bodies or even think of weight as energy, weight is excess
creativity. It's energy waiting to be released-- creative potential.
Excess weight blocks personal power when looking for expression. So, if
something that has been choked back that's looking for expression but
doesn't know how, so subverted to food. It could be an expression of career,
expression in love relationships, expression in our environment or home,
expression in our finances.
And then this one-- excess weight is asking you to own it because you can't
lose what you don't own. So, what excess weight might ask you to do is own it.
Own yourself and embody yourself completely-- without trying
to cut off, negate, dim, fade, hide parts-- now every pound and thoroughly enjoying
the experience of being alive and the privilege of having a body. Only when
you can do that will that excess weight naturally be released. You've
got to own it to lose it. You can't lose what you don't own.
Otherwise, we're at war with ourselves. And when we're at war, stress
chemicals in the body are firing off constantly. And what does that do to our
metabolism? Slows it down. What does that do to fat storage? Revs it up. The
body holds onto fat, and it becomes challenging to lose weight. So, own
it. Love it.
Now, let's look at a reframe for another common health concern-- fatigue. If
every behavior or symptom has a positive intention, you can help reframe
fatigue by asking what you need or why you might
need fatigue at this time in your life. In other words, what's the positive
intention of fatigue at this time in your life? What might fatigue want for you?
What might it be in service of?
Perhaps you won't allow yourself to rest, take breaks, or take
vacations. Maybe you feel compelled to take care of others all the time, but it
doesn't allow you to take care of yourself. Maybe you're miserable at your job,
but push yourself hard because you don't know how else you'll make money
to support your family. Notice that you know there isn't enough to experience
what you want emotionally or energetically in these situations.
Fatigue is a physical manifestation of an emotional fear or lack of belief in
lack, whether it's not enough money, not enough time, not enough of people
who take responsibility for themselves, do not have enough opportunities or possibilities,
or faith. Because you know that the client is being given a powerful doorway
for transformation.
Let's look at one more example of how to reframe a common health concern
many of you will have: digestive issues. Did you know
that digestive aids are the number one over-the-counter category of
medication? Fascinating. The most common digestive complaints are gas and
bloating, IBS with constipation or diarrhea, heartburn or GERD, which is
Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease, heaviness in the gut, or stomach aches after
meals.
Consider that digestive issues may directly manifest how you are
or aren't digesting life. Think about it. Digestion is the most intimate exchange
with the outside world. We transform the external environment
into our cells, blood, organs, and tissues. In a sense, your digestive power
reflects how fully we digest and absorb all of life. It is your comfort in the world, sense of belonging, safety, and
boundaries.
For example, you have a leaky gut, a physical manifestation of
weak boundaries. I didn't say that you are weak. I said weak boundaries. If
you aren't familiar with leaky gut, it's the informal term for increased intestinal
permeability. When tight junctions in the gut, which control what passes
through the lining of the small intestine, don't work correctly, food substances
are leaked into the bloodstream, causing inflammation, allergic reactions,
headaches, and other health challenges.
I know this because I suffered from a leaky gut. So, where you are supposed
to have a robust and integral boundary between yourself and the outside world,
it's weakened and leaky. Where else might this be reflected in his life? This is a
high-mileage question because the way you do one thing is the way you do
anything. So where else might loose boundaries be reflected in his life?
You can always collaborate with a clinical nutritionist or a functional doctor,
or a naturopath to treat leaky gut or any other digestive challenge with lab
tests, prescriptions, or supplementation. However, it's essential to know that
my job as a masterful coach is to help strengthen your boundaries
and to help you reframe your digestion and absorption of life as safe and
empowered instead of dangerous.
One question we might ask is, what is it in your life that you can't stomach
right now? Ultimately, all diseases, conditions, and behaviors are signs that
something in our life asks for a different strategy. No matter the
health condition, we must start the healing process by accepting all parts of
ourselves and seeing the healing process as a portal to transformation versus
getting rid of it, eradicating it, or attempting extermination.
So, I hear clients say, I need to eliminate this weight. I
need to get rid of this fatigue. I need to get rid of this stomach problem. If
you think that some part of you must be cut off, as if it doesn't have a right to
be loved, tended to, or needs to be punished, then you'll take actions or
behaviors against that part of yourself, and that will keep unwanted behaviors
in place. You cannot heal if you are at war with yourself.
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